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Financially Prudent Bedtime Stories Part 1 of 7 [Little Red Riding Hood]

Posted 4 April, 2019 by Clearly
in Finance, Just for Fun

In 2019, we are expanding our article repertoire to include a broader base of financial topics, such as general finance management tips and opinions.

As usual, we are going to keep it light-hearted and fun for easy reading, so do continue to support us by sharing our articles or pledging your undying allegiance to our site. Thanks in advance! 

This is a first of seven series of bedtime stories that we are re-writing to provide some personal finance insights. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as we have enjoyed re-imagining them. 

 

Little Red Riding Hood

 

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived in a village near the forest.  Whenever she went out, the little girl wore a red riding cloak, so everyone in the village called her Little Red Riding Hood.

 

 

It would be strangely amusing to observe this practice of naming one after his or her commonly worn articles of clothing. There would be many Mr Too Tight Jeans or Miss Translucent Gym Shorts. Thankfully we live in a far more civilised world.

One morning, Little Red Riding Hood asked her mother if she could go to visit her grandmother as it had been a while since they’d last seen each other.

“That’s a good idea,” her mother said, since she obviously never heard of Facetime.  So they packed a nice basket for Little Red Riding Hood to take to her grandmother. Foodpanda was only used when it had some swell promos, since the delivery charges were rather high (in percentage terms) relative to the food delivered.

When the basket was ready, the little girl put on her red cloak and kissed her mother goodbye.

“Remember, go straight to Grandma’s house,” her mother cautioned.  “Don’t dawdle along the way and please don’t talk to strangers!  The woods are dangerous.”

“Then why can’t I Grab or Gojek on over? It would neatly solve the danger portion,” asked Little Red Riding Hood.

“Although you aren’t Chinese, these private hire car services can cost a bomb. Especially since we aren’t platinum members. Wait till the rivalry between them heats up, then we are going to make use of those sweet sweet Grab promos once again. Damn that stingy prick Anthony.” was her mother’s retort. “How else will we pay for your ballet lessons?”

“Alright, mommy,” said Little Red Riding Hood, “I’ll be careful.”

 

 

But when Little Red Riding Hood noticed some lovely flowers in the woods, she forgot her promise to her mother.  She picked a few, watched the butterflies flit about for a while, listened to the frogs croaking and then picked a few more. It was a good thing that NEA officers were not around to observe her transgression.

Little Red Riding Hood was enjoying the warm summer day so much, that she didn’t notice a dark shadow approaching out of the forest behind her…

Suddenly, a wolf appeared beside her.

“What are you doing out here, little girl?” the wolf asked in a voice as friendly as he could muster.

 

 

“I’m on my way to see my Grandma who lives through the forest, near the brook,”  Little Red Riding Hood replied.

Then she realized how late she was and quickly excused herself, rushing down the path to her Grandma’s house.

The wolf, in the meantime, took a shortcut…

The wolf, a little out of breath from running, arrived at Grandma’s and knocked lightly at the door.

 

 

“Get lost, will you! I don’t want to change my electricity provider! The perceived savings are nothing compared to the relative convenience I have right now,” yelled Grandma, peeved at having to keep fending off a small army of ferociously persistent electricity salespeople. Everyone knows that electrical power is a bloody profitable business, and SP was probably ripping us off for decades.

“You can’t fall victim to the Default Selection syndrome like this! By comparing just 2 or 3 alternate options, you would be so much better off. And I happen to be your granddaughter” lied the wolf.

(Actually it was a semi-lie, he was totally right about the Default Selection syndrome. Humans tend to stick to the default or standard setting, and companies have used it to great effect)

“Oh thank goodness dear!  Come in, come in!  I was worried sick that something had happened to you in the forest,” said Grandma. For a short moment, she was secretly proud that her granddaughter was able to point out her flawed decisional making heuristic.

The wolf let himself in.  Poor Granny did not have time to say another word before the wolf gobbled her up!

The wolf let out a satisfied burp, and then poked through Granny’s wardrobe to find a nightgown that he liked.  He added a frilly sleeping cap, and for good measure, dabbed some of Granny’s perfume behind his pointy ears. He didn’t have to, but who could resist a little Miss Dior? Especially when it was promoted by Natalie Portman.

A few minutes later, Red Riding Hood knocked on the door.  The wolf jumped into bed and pulled the covers over his nose.  “Who is it?” he called in a cackly voice.

“It’s me, Little Red Riding Hood.”

“Oh how lovely!  Do come in, my dear,” croaked the wolf.

When Little Red Riding Hood entered the little cottage, she could scarcely recognize her Grandmother.

 

 

“Grandmother!  Your voice sounds so odd.  Is something the matter?” she asked.

“Oh, I just have touch of a cold,” squeaked the wolf adding a cough at the end to prove the point.

“But Grandmother!  What big ears you have,” said Little Red Riding Hood as she edged closer to the bed.

“The better to hear you with, my dear,” replied the wolf.

“But Grandmother!  What big eyes you have,” said Little Red Riding Hood.

“The better to see you with, my dear,” replied the wolf.

“But Grandmother!  What big teeth you have,” said Little Red Riding Hood her voice quivering slightly.

“The better to eat you with, my dear,” roared the wolf and he leapt out of the bed and began to chase the little girl.

Almost too late, Little Red Riding Hood realized that the person in the bed was not her Grandmother, but a hungry wolf.

At this point we should pause to admire the stomach capacity and athletic ability of the wolf. Imagine running an 80 metre sprint right after consuming the equivalent of a hotpot buffet. That takes some talent indeed. But back to the story.

She ran across the room and through the door, shouting, “Help! Wolf!” as loudly as she could.

A woodsman who was chopping logs nearby heard her cry and ran towards the cottage as fast as he could.

“Before I burst down this door to address your obvious cause of distress, may I have some assurance that I will not be financially liable for its repair later? One can never be too careful these days.” thundered the Woodsman.

“Yes! You are invoking the Right of Private Defence, under the Singapore Penal code. You are allowed to defend another person or his property from harm. Since there is no conceivable opportunity to seek police protection within the next 7 seconds before this wolf catches me, and since he is also unlikely to be a public servant carrying out his duties, you are clear to act. By the way, the door is unlocked.” screamed Little Red Riding Hood.

“Orh.” The woodsman decided to trust her knowledge of the law and burst in.

He grabbed the wolf and made him spit out the poor Grandmother who was a bit frazzled by the whole experience, but still in one piece. “Oh Grandma, I was so scared!” sobbed Little Red Riding Hood, “I’ll never speak to strangers or dawdle in the forest again.”

 

 

“There, there, child.  You’ve learned an important lesson.  Thank goodness you shouted loud enough for this kind woodsman to hear you!”

The woodsman was about to knock out the wolf when he interjected, “Actually since I have done you this great service on this day, it wouldn’t really hurt for us to sit down and discuss your financial planning needs. I know of this superb savings plan that yields 3.856% in annualized returns, capital guaranteed.”

Little Red Riding Hood sighed.

“While it’s admirable that you are moonlighting as a woodsman while being a Financial Advisory Representative, we will not fall victim to reciprocity, even though it is a deeply ingrained human trait that has allowed us to survive as a communal species.

That is the reason why insurance agents always offer to buy us a drink in the hopes that we return the favour. I always decline. Also, everyone knows that you need to address protection needs first before savings or investments. Did you find that out first before enticing us with returns?”

“Surely you need someone to help suss out how much protection you need!” stammered the hapless woodsman/Financial Advisory Representative.

“Yes and No. Our needs are well served by this site’s discovery engine and also, I happen to like FWD Insurance. Full purchase online, no need for awkward situations like this. Check out the link below”

Little Red Riding Hood INSISTS you check out FWD Term Insurance

“If I may chime in…” moaned the wolf.

“No you may not. It is clear that the odds are stacked against us in this story written by the owners of this blog. They have made some excellent points which we are not able to fully deny nor affirm since everything should be taken on a case by case basis.” the woodsman admitted defeat and KOed the wolf, leaving to dump the animal to another part of the forest.

 

 

Little Red Riding Hood and her Grandmother had a nice lunch and a long chat, while they discussed the marvels of being able to purchase Life Insurance online, as well as Natalie Portman’s dewy crystal clear skin.

(The End)

Read about Part 2 in this series here: Hansel and Gretel
Read about Part 3 in this series here: Chicken Little

www.ClearlySurely.com aims to eradicate the knowledge gap between consumers and Life Insurance. Our Vision is that one day, every Man, Woman, and Child will be properly insured.

We are also having fun experimenting with a broader base of financial topics. Let us know if you have something you want us to cover!

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